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Sexism: drawing a clearer line
Unlike some college males, I am not a barbarian. I have a general
concept of widely accepted behavior toward, and in the presence
of, women. But because of a recent verbal lashing by a female friend
of mine, I realized just how confused I really am about what constitutes
sexual harassment and what doesn’t.
I am not referring to explicitly unacceptable behavior, like the
boss who makes lewd suggestions and double entendres to his secretary,
or the professor who propositions a student. Things that concern
me are that fine line between playful, flirtatious remarks and unacceptable
overtures, and a seemingly pervasive male attitude in our society
that tends to view women as somewhat less important than men.
First, males must determine what behavior towards a woman is appropriate
in a given situation. How old is she? The woman in the next seat
in history class doesn’t even blink when you mention how “pissed-off”
your grade makes you. If she is more than ten years your elder,
you find yourself speaking in a more “mature” manner
and probably without expletives. If she is your mother’s or
even grandmother’s age, you smile more, address them with
a plethora of “Yes ma’ams” and “No ma’ams”
and make a concerted effort to suppress all foul words—even
mild ones.
Although these may be merely examples of good self-monitoring practice,
it is here that the ambiguity begins.
If there is indeed a somewhat hierarchical approach to determining
behavior, is there a “lower-archical” one? In other
words, should the male change his attitude or behavior according
to the way a woman dresses, behaves or speaks? Most of us would
say, “Of course. That happens naturally.” But this perception
is often misinterpreted by males, resulting in an angry woman and
the buffoon asking, “What’d I do?”
I have always assumed, perhaps wrongly, that when a woman’s
dress at a nightclub prompts stares and open mouths, it was intended
to do so, and that any overconfident guy who’s thinking, “She
wants me!” can be expected to approach her. At what point
does his overture become harassing? The second time? The third?
Perhaps only when he touches her arm? Has “no” been
stated distinctly?
Any physical action is seen as a serious violation of social etiquette,
but I have seen women converse with, and even dance with a guy to
get him off her back, while others take offense at any approach.
What about the male who admires from a distance, reluctant to possibly
offend? Has he missed the opportunity to meet Miss Right? Should
he wait for her to approach, a practice not so accepted in our society?
Any woman should definitely have the freedom to speak, act and wear
whatever she likes without the threat of harassment or offensive
comments, but unfair as it is, such freedom runs the risk of aggressive
male behavior.
The issue now becomes one of achieving gender equality by changing
or at least slowing the proliferation of these behavioral tendencies
toward women. It appears on the surface that men are mainly to blame.
After all, women don’t really DO anything to deserve such
treatment. But to many men, a woman who is just BEING is “doing”
something to him.
An attractive woman walking in front of a construction site, for
example, is seen as a tease for the workers, who vent their frustration
by hollering bawdy remarks at her.
Does she deserve this? Absolutely not. But from an early age, most
males are taught to view the female form as an object of beauty
and adornment to be utilized for visual as well as physical pleasure,
suppressing the notion of women as thinking, feeling beings.
The last few decades have seen great progress for women, but how
can we possibly eliminate the gender roles that have perpetuated
the idea of what it is to be feminine? Should we eliminate these
roles or only alter them?
When half our bricklayers are women and half our nannies are men,
will attitudes change? And what of those women who are sexist against
themselves– who firmly believe in traditional gender bias
based on cultural norms or religious slant? Can we change their
attitudes?
Obviously we have our work cut out for us. Only with clearly defined
and widely agreed upon goals will the next step of progress be achieved.
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