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Loss of Power Provides Insight Into The Other Side
Ya know, just when you think you’ve experienced it all,
something crops up that blows your mind. Something that significantly
affects a sociologically fixed and personally comfortable perspective.
Such is most certainly my case.
A few months ago, a roommate brought home an acquaintance from work
(hard labor), a case of beer, and a carton of cigarettes. John (not
his real name), the acquaintance, was hilarious and told jokes to
which we all screamed with laughter until he went home. This episode
was repeated a number of times, and I was always talked into joining
them (the power of free beer and smokes). One evening John came
over when I was the only one home and asked if I would like to go
have a few drinks, since he just got paid and would pick up the
tab. How could I refuse?
He drove us to a fairly well known establishment and proceeded to
order drinks for us and volley interesting, amusing conversation
until closing. I had a good time, and was feeling even better. Taking
the long way home, John began to discuss his general mistrust of
women, particularly his ex-wife, and what a hag she was. As would
any self-respecting drinking buddy, I replied emphatically and affirmatively
to most of his statements.
About half way home John asked me if I ever had a bisexual experience.
Since I like to think of myself as tolerant of all beliefs and lifestyles,
I merely replied, “No, are you bisexual?” John answered,
“No, I’m just plain gay, and very interested in you.”
Suddenly my evening with one of the guys took on a very different
tone. As he drove toward my apartment, I explained my assurance
of being straight, and that although I wasn’t offended by
his overture, I was most certainly uninterested. What was interesting
to me, however, was that because of the elements involved –
taken out in his car, drinks bought, being under the influence,
propositioned, and taken home – I was a male experiencing
a loss of power with another male. But it didn’t stop there.
John followed me into my house, opened a couple of beers for us,
and continued trying to explain the joys of being gay. Following
many drinks, an endless supply of cigarettes, and a post-midnight
stupor, I will enjoy even an argument with a tree. So instead of
being angry at John, I proceeded to test popular and personal theories
of homosexuality on the real McCoy. Even though my demeanor was
calm and matter-of-fact, John continued to make stronger and stronger
sexual overtures, each being met with an equally powerful negation.
I decided it was time for him to leave, and politely pushed him
toward the door. Upon seeing his car drive away, I acted on impulse
to lock all my windows and doors, then sat down to ponder the evening’s
experience.
This is what I decided.
Even though I am in no way homophobic, and have worked with gay
individuals on a number of occasions, I was still a little nervous
about this given situation. On the surface it appeared that homosexuality
was the cause of my anxiety, but upon closer scrutiny, it was the
feeling of being pursued and objectified, while in a lesser position
of control, that truly bothered me.
John gained my confidence over a short time, invited me to have
drinks, drove me in his car, paid for and pushed drinks on me, propositioned
me, took me home and continued making overtures until I pressured
his exit and locked my windows. Even in my own home, I felt a little
uneasy having to steer furtive glances and forward remarks away
from me, as well as to determine how I had sat and what body language
I had displayed.
For many men, perhaps, a similar scenario might evoke feelings of
fright, hate or violence. But for me, this otherwise stressful experience
was a fascinating and enlightening sociological experiment, bearing
for me one central thought:
Women contend with this type of situation repeatedly…
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